The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
