Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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