so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
