This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
