foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
