I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
