Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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