my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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