I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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