guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
