are you still at the devil's house?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
