i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
