do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
