Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
