I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
