Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
