Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
