Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
