I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
