I'm so fucking centered right now
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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