I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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