Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
