their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
