I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
