ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
