Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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