Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Come see our sink grown plant.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
