hell yes lets make some ravioli
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
