i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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