Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
