just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
