1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
