he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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