We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
