Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
