weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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