He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
