hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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