Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Drunk is not a location!
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