oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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