literally had 100 drinks last night.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
