I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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