I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
