he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Randomize
