I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
