I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
