btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
