Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
