I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
