Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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