He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
