I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
