3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Are we in a gay sports bar?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
