I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
that's an acceptable place to lick
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
