so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
