shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
